One, in general, would not assume that spending a Christmas Holiday in the hospital would be rather enjoyable...BUT today was actually SUCH A GOOD DAY. It's not about where you spend Christmas, it's about where your heart is at Christmas. Mine was in the love and care of two very important camps: 1) Staff at MSKCC and obvs 2) my amazing family.
The nurses, doctors and staff at MSKCC are actual angels. I've often wondered how they realistically hire people who genuinely just fricking care so much about other humans. Do they require some type of personality or "angel testing"? I'm actually serious. While watching my all-time favorite Christmas movie "It's a Wonderful Life" last night, I realized that all the people here have the heart of Clarence. You will never meet a mean or rude MSKCC employee. I find it absolutely stunning that an organization this large in the heart of New York fricking City, can hire thousands of people without one of them ever being rude or possibly ever in this midst of a bad day?? I've sometimes joked that they must pump either drugs or pure oxygen into these buildings because everyone is always so damn nice. All of these things are very very good, they just perplex the shit out of me. So my time here has been spent with a whole group of Clarences. I've made best friends with every single nurse I've had and am already trying to figure out ways to stalk them so we can become best friends in real life. Hana, I will miss your bright sunny face greeting me every morning! Also, what the hell do you use on your skin, it's flawless!?? Lauren...don't ever tell ANYONE that I almost conned you into looking up RBG's room number so we could go stalk her. But also thank you for taking me to the Christmas spectacle downstairs in the basement, I love you!
To help the MSKCC camp feel less bad (but honestly they never feel bad ever...so who am I kidding?) about working on Christmas, of course Mom and Eric had to do something for them. So in, stereotypical Midwestern fashion they brought it a massive bag of muffins, bagels, fruit (some other kosher treats) and a big Ol thank you card for the peeps working on the floor today. They are giving us their love and compassion and making a sacrifice on the family front but we are so unbelievably grateful for their love and would happily consider each and every one of them a dear member of our own family.
On to Camp Number 2 - my amazing loving family that was my genuine saving grace today and every damn day of my life. They've obviously dropped everything to come out to be here with me on Christmas.
This one obviously cleared her schedule immediately and boarded the first available flight. WELL LET ME TELL YOU, she's been quite the hit in here in NYC. I fully support a move to live with her auntie and uncle after she graduates pre-k.
|One is an Elsa-nose and one is an Olaf-nose|
How can this not be pure medicine???
Your family is part of your soul, they are a part of who you are as a person. When you break, they break and that fact alone has always been the hardest for me to take (Damnit, I'm not trying to rhyme but definitely not changing it either). Anyway, I'm learning and trusting the process of allowing them to just be there to take care of me and not doing so much protecting. It's been so incredibly healing to allow them to put some of these shattered pieces back together. We're forming a healthier body and spirit in the midst of all of this. Is that what this Christmas is about for me? I'm literally discovering the human spirit and what it takes to mend the body and the soul. I think the answer is a whole lot of love but they say love creates miracles and in that fact I have no doubt.
So, thank you family for being my saving grace this Christmas. I love you so freeeeeaaaaaking much.
And of course thank you to the continual barrage of amazing pics and videos from friends and family. They keep me moving when I'm dredging deep in the mind/body swamp. Where symptoms of the body breed ugly thoughts of the mind. These daily reminders that love is so pure and light lift me from a place of fear to a place love and that's where I need to be in order to heal, so THANK YOU!
This pic of Sam (who's great fear in life is breaking things, especially small important fragile things) holding a baby with THIS AMOUNT OF UNADULTERATED JOY has changed me as a person. Like. Forever.
I don't know about you, but I say Emma has some untapped potential in the head/face sculpting business! I've never seen a more genuine likeness to my MUG than this kid just magnificently manifested! #knockoffworthy
Love you all!